When keeping it in the day becomes part of the problem.
The phrase ‘one day at a time’ has become synonymous with Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) and all 12-step recovery programs.
Although not mentioned in the main text of the book of Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book), the origins of the term seem to come from the Christian organization, the Oxford Group, from which A.A. sprang.
The phrase appears in the Oxford Group’s ‘Four Absolutes’ pamphlet, which encourages readers to answer four daily questions and live by the answers one day at a time.
However, Bill Wilson, founding father of A.A., took the idea to help hopeless addicts recover by suggesting they only focus on the next 24 hours ahead.
Sadly, Bill’s advice is often misunderstood and misused, turning the slogan’s power into a meaningless platitude that can have deadly consequences for the hopeless addict.
The Double-Edged Sword
“It is not the experience of today that drives us mad. It is the remorse or bitterness for something that happened yesterday or the dread of what tomorrow may bring.” ~ Richard Walker
It’s easy to see why the term ‘one day at a time’ lost its way in recovery.
Addicts newly in recovery are often racked with fear and anxiety. Contemplating life without their addiction is almost unthinkable — for many, it’s the only thing they have left to live for!
So, telling someone they only have to think about staying sober for today can be the lifeline that makes the seemingly impossible seem possible.
The idea is that by concentrating on a shorter time frame, bit by bit, addicts can gradually carve out some clean time. As time passes, sobriety gets easier — days become weeks, weeks become months, and months become years.
But Bill didn’t intend to use ‘one day at a time’ as a relapse prevention tool. In fact, the Big Book makes it clear that the purpose of keeping it in the day is to focus on what spiritual actions need to be taken that day.
The spirit of all 12-step recovery lies in the question: what are you willing to do today to grow and help others?
Not how can you stay sober and avoid the next drink!
God’s Facepalm
“What you resist not only persists but will grow in size.” ~ Carl Jung
Bill knew that living ‘one day at a time’ ultimately couldn’t keep anyone sober because it contradicts step one from the twelve steps: ‘admitted we were powerless..’
Staying sober one day at a time implies you actually do have the power to beat your addiction by taking it one day at a time.
It also allows addicts to actually hold onto their addiction, leaving the door open to relapse and enabling them to entertain the idea of returning to addiction someday, just not today.
Additionally, this approach can lead to the development of cross-addictions, where addicts substitute one addiction for another (also known as the third alternative) to help them stay clean.
This leads addicts to mistakenly believe they are in control of their relapsing and in a new phase of their recovery, which only allows the illness to progress.
Addiction isn’t a phase; it’s a progressive disease.
Not on Your Terms
“… the way we perceive a problem can be itself part of a problem.” ~ Slavoj Žižek
What the addict really has to do is let go absolutely of trying to control their sobriety.
Saying I won’t use today but don’t know about tomorrow isn’t letting go or accepting reality.
We have to accept the terms of our lives have changed.
Nobody wants to hear, ‘At least I didn’t drink today’, as if you deserve some kind of award.
We’re all not using or acting out ‘just for today’. The last thing a chronic relapser wants is to relapse, but it’s not up to them. They don’t have the power to stay clean as this condition takes it out of our hands.
For hopeless addicts relapse and recovery happen to them, not by them.
A Change of Heart
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” ~ The Serenity Prayer
Addicts saying, ‘It’s on me today,’ are simply relying on fear and willpower to make it through each day. Secretly, they would give their right nipple away to dive headfirst into using and acting out but don’t want the consequences that come with relapsing.
But soldiering on counting days like this isn’t real, lasting change no matter how much clean time you clock up — our whole life strategy needs to change regardless of our sobriety.
We want to thrive in recovery, not white-knuckle it, and survive by the skin of our teeth.
What we want to hear is, ‘I don’t want or need to drink today or any day because I am enjoying life, at peace, and doing just as fine as I am’.
To do that, we need an attitude of open-mindedness and honesty, where we lay aside prejudice and diligently look within. Daily asking ourselves:
- What is life showing me?
- What am I being called to do?
- How can I make a difference to someone else?
This attitude alone will allow us to experience life in a new way.
But this can’t happen if all your energy is solely fixated on staying sober and obsessing over not relapsing.
Final Word
“The Kingdom of Heaven is not a place, but a state of mind.” ~ John Burrows
You can only live life one day at a time, period.
The present moment is all any of us have.
Living in fear of relapse and trying to control your sobriety isn’t enjoyable or sustainable; it’s certainly not the spiritual experience the Big Book is talking about.
However, if you can loosen your grip and trust in life and use ‘one day at a time’ as a call to be present and alive to this very moment, the slogan’s true meaning and power come to the fore.
With willingness and daily faith, something else can happen. If you can accept what reality is showing you and get out of your own way, then things can and will change.
The consciousness of your beliefs will be a living reality.
And that starts with a single decision that can be taken right here, now, today.
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Darren James 